I’m often asked the question of whether a wet dream is a relapse and my response is “it depends on what your goal is with NoFap”.

If our goal is to retain your semen, then yes it’s a ‘relapse’ because the unfortunate fact is that we lost our semen. Some people even believe that wet dreams are not totally random- that it has to do with the subconscious mind still being addicted to orgasm, and so they don’t feel sorry for themselves if it happens because they can take action to purify the subconscious mind.

I say ‘relapse’ because technically it is a relapse but I personally didn’t call it that because it just felt a bit demoralising. The best thing to do after a wet dream is acknowledge it, act as if it never happened, and work to purify the subconscious mind through things like meditation, shadow work, healthy eating, healthy sleep, healthy relationships, getting enough sun, drinking enough water, all the simple things that most people know but don’t actually do.

The exact same thing that happened for you with the dream has happened for me a few times and I’m over a year clean so don’t worry about it. The main two realisations that free people from PMO addiction are these:

1. “I fapped because I wanted to escape / numb negative emotions, so I should avoid feeling disappointed, regretful, hopeless, negative after a relapse. PMO is what I used to numb frustration, disappointment, etc. so I should exit the cycle by refusing to feel that way and force myself to think optimistically instead. I should do everything I can to set myself up for feeling positive emotions frequently, like eating healthily, meditating regularly, sleeping healthily, having only positive friends, spending time in nature, doing my favourite hobbies, getting clear on and acting in alignment with my life’s purpose.

2. “What I’m truly looking for in external stimuli- long-term relief from suffering- comes about from the ‘inside’ and simply cannot be brought about by external stimuli. External stimuli can only bring pleasure, and I’ve falsely believed that stringing together pleasurable experiences very close together can substitute for and pass as unbroken peace and happiness.”

The chaser effect is caused by people not understanding that frustration is what they use PMO to ‘cure’, to numb. The solution is to express the frustration as healthily as you can and switch to optimism. Pessimism moves us further into addiction- optimism gets us out.